Making the cut... at far far away and other sunday short stories
Act 1: Of shoes and other kicks
It was a glorious sunday morning in the swamp. The ogre woke up to the beep of his phone. It was donkey. Never quite at his best in the mng the ogre "Yes donkey". In her typical shrill voice "Lets take the train to really far far away office land this eve, buy shoes (fer her sqush game; las pair decimated) and watch the late night show of KANK. We come back with dragon and Fairy God Mother". Ogre: "Go to sleep donkey". Donkey: "See you at 6:00 then". Ogre: "I dont do trains, I dont do far far away office land on Sundays, I dont do KANK. Good night" Donkey: "But how will we play if I dont get shoes". Ogre: "Kay; will drive you to really far far away office land; you dash in and dash out of orbit with yur shoes and we will be back in a couple of hours; but please lemme go now" Donkey: "Will see you in 20 mins. Drive my chariot; cant dream of driving all the way to really far far away office land. Will drive me nuts". Obviously no one was thinking about maintaining the ogres sanity.
The ogre is totally depressed and dosent quite see the glory of the sunday mng. Its going to be a long day he thinks..what with the laundry, shoes to be polished and the cut. To top it all off Queen Lillian wants a drop somewhere on the long winding road.
13:00 hours; the ogre and donkey are at the parking lot in orbit at really far far away office land. Next stop planet sports. Once there the ogre guides donkey to the shoes he has been raving about. In the ogres words "awsome pair at just 1500 silver coins". Donkey has one look at the pair and brays: "these are not for women. I need womens shoes in the squash court". All perhaps is not lost and the ogre tries to salvage the situation. Quickly spots another pair that adresses this ridiculous observation and asks the donkey to try them. Alas; the store did not have her size. After spending another 40 mins running helter skelter in orbit the ogre and the donkey come to the conclusion that there is nothing that meets her expectations at really far far away land, so they head to the food court. Famished as they are they gorge to their hearts content, and then a little more. Food and drink they got, but not a place to sit. Rude they are at really far far away office land. The donkeys need for food might have been addressed but not her appitite for shoes.
So the pair exit from really far far away office land and search across the length and breadth of middle earth raiding every cobblers den that they could spot. Finally at a remote corner a suitable pair is spotted. The ogre realising that the salesman behind the counter is out of his depth, dons the hat of the 'consultant'. Ogre: "see they are a really nice pair, very flexible, nice color, very feminine and your looking very dapper. Have your size too!! You will be able to run much faster than me (the ogre by the way never runs)" The donkey seemed content but still confused. Thats when the ogre in a master-stroke decided to employ cloak and dagger tactics. He endeavoured to confuse the subject by introducing a new element and taking the focus away from the shoes. Ogre: "Buy a pair of socks and try them with the shoes to be doubly sure". The donkey started sifting through the socks and pondered on which pair to buy. The shoes were in the bag.
Content and 4 and a half hours later the ogre and the donkey were back at the swamp (home sweet home). Excited as she was about her new footwear, the donkey had to try them out asap. Donkey proposed to book a game at 20:00 hours; little did she know that there was a Chelsea - liverpool game (community shield) and the devious ogre had no intention of showing up. he he he he heeeee
Act 2: The cut
Flashback begins:
On returning from Capitol Hill about 16 months back the ogre had felt the need to change his hair dresser. Returning with his pockets bulging with gold nuggets, the ogre felt that Pinnochios shop around the bend wasnt fitting in with his new image. Bad influence Capitol Hill.
So in search of the purrrfect barber the ogre chanced upon the royal salon and made his way inside. Once in the ogre felt so compeletely lost that his first instinct was to turn and run away. Sterner stuff however our ogre is made of and chose to stay in the name of 'self improvement' Stern and brave yes; but very stupid our ogre. He marched up to the fairy godmothers aunt and asked "err... am here for a trim. Is there anyone who can help me?" The old lady had a nasty shock on seeing the ogre and called for reenforcements: "Puss in boots do you want to tarnish your blades on this specimen" Enter Puss in boots; sauve, sure and well purrrfect in every way. PIB: "Whaat izz thezzz. Where hazz eet come frum. IIye shall savvve eeet. Follow meee monsieee Ogre; while the damn-age izzz dun iiye will try and make u luuuk as huumen az pozzible ". The ogre gulped and followed PIB with a sheepish grin on his face. By now the ogre had become the center of attraction at the royal salon and all the damsels remarked: "look at what the cat bought in"
Flashback ends
Circa todays story (13th aug 2006). While in orbit the ogre had called the fairy godmothers aunt and fixed an app with PIB for 18:00 hours. The ogre reached the salon 8 mins late. Even now after umpteen visits the ogre had butterflies in his tummy when he entered the place. Once an ogre, always an ogre. PIB " Comm my pitiiiable frienddd. You are laate, but I feel zorry for you and wheel try to help again. Don you ever wash yur hairz." Turning to the staff: "3 blind mize zampoo for ze mop". Once done and having safely deposited the ogre in the chair the mice send for PIB. PIB: "zo my waterloo. What izz eit that we dezire thesss time?" The ogre was a big footer fan (and a small cricket fan). Ogre: "Well you know have been thinking of this for a while and am pretty sure now. I want the Thierry Henry /Kevin Pietersen look". The entire salon (damsels, mice, aunt and other patrons) expecting their 2 pence of entertainment were all over the floor howling with delight. PIB laughed so voilently that he had another asthama attack and needed rescuing. Then again back in typical businesslike fashion " Vee are not expegting youuuu to keep coming here long mon ami. Do not be alarmed by what Iye zay, it is only nazooral weeth creatures like yourzelves. You might not need our zervice, but do not breeng the calamity upon yourzelf" The ogre however was adamant and PIB called for his special blade.
Once done PIB looked at his effort and said "A truuue work of art, my friend. My biggggessst challenge to date and pozzibily my bezt effort. True not a Henry you look, but I have beztowed upon you the crowning glory of the French (spits once) kapitan. You have ze famous Zidane look" Not much is known of what transpired post that, but the gingerbread man who was melting in the coffee about then has dull memories that the ogre in true Zidane style made a Matarazzi of PIB.
It was a glorious sunday morning in the swamp. The ogre woke up to the beep of his phone. It was donkey. Never quite at his best in the mng the ogre "Yes donkey". In her typical shrill voice "Lets take the train to really far far away office land this eve, buy shoes (fer her sqush game; las pair decimated) and watch the late night show of KANK. We come back with dragon and Fairy God Mother". Ogre: "Go to sleep donkey". Donkey: "See you at 6:00 then". Ogre: "I dont do trains, I dont do far far away office land on Sundays, I dont do KANK. Good night" Donkey: "But how will we play if I dont get shoes". Ogre: "Kay; will drive you to really far far away office land; you dash in and dash out of orbit with yur shoes and we will be back in a couple of hours; but please lemme go now" Donkey: "Will see you in 20 mins. Drive my chariot; cant dream of driving all the way to really far far away office land. Will drive me nuts". Obviously no one was thinking about maintaining the ogres sanity.
The ogre is totally depressed and dosent quite see the glory of the sunday mng. Its going to be a long day he thinks..what with the laundry, shoes to be polished and the cut. To top it all off Queen Lillian wants a drop somewhere on the long winding road.
13:00 hours; the ogre and donkey are at the parking lot in orbit at really far far away office land. Next stop planet sports. Once there the ogre guides donkey to the shoes he has been raving about. In the ogres words "awsome pair at just 1500 silver coins". Donkey has one look at the pair and brays: "these are not for women. I need womens shoes in the squash court". All perhaps is not lost and the ogre tries to salvage the situation. Quickly spots another pair that adresses this ridiculous observation and asks the donkey to try them. Alas; the store did not have her size. After spending another 40 mins running helter skelter in orbit the ogre and the donkey come to the conclusion that there is nothing that meets her expectations at really far far away land, so they head to the food court. Famished as they are they gorge to their hearts content, and then a little more. Food and drink they got, but not a place to sit. Rude they are at really far far away office land. The donkeys need for food might have been addressed but not her appitite for shoes.
So the pair exit from really far far away office land and search across the length and breadth of middle earth raiding every cobblers den that they could spot. Finally at a remote corner a suitable pair is spotted. The ogre realising that the salesman behind the counter is out of his depth, dons the hat of the 'consultant'. Ogre: "see they are a really nice pair, very flexible, nice color, very feminine and your looking very dapper. Have your size too!! You will be able to run much faster than me (the ogre by the way never runs)" The donkey seemed content but still confused. Thats when the ogre in a master-stroke decided to employ cloak and dagger tactics. He endeavoured to confuse the subject by introducing a new element and taking the focus away from the shoes. Ogre: "Buy a pair of socks and try them with the shoes to be doubly sure". The donkey started sifting through the socks and pondered on which pair to buy. The shoes were in the bag.
Content and 4 and a half hours later the ogre and the donkey were back at the swamp (home sweet home). Excited as she was about her new footwear, the donkey had to try them out asap. Donkey proposed to book a game at 20:00 hours; little did she know that there was a Chelsea - liverpool game (community shield) and the devious ogre had no intention of showing up. he he he he heeeee
Act 2: The cut
Flashback begins:
On returning from Capitol Hill about 16 months back the ogre had felt the need to change his hair dresser. Returning with his pockets bulging with gold nuggets, the ogre felt that Pinnochios shop around the bend wasnt fitting in with his new image. Bad influence Capitol Hill.
So in search of the purrrfect barber the ogre chanced upon the royal salon and made his way inside. Once in the ogre felt so compeletely lost that his first instinct was to turn and run away. Sterner stuff however our ogre is made of and chose to stay in the name of 'self improvement' Stern and brave yes; but very stupid our ogre. He marched up to the fairy godmothers aunt and asked "err... am here for a trim. Is there anyone who can help me?" The old lady had a nasty shock on seeing the ogre and called for reenforcements: "Puss in boots do you want to tarnish your blades on this specimen" Enter Puss in boots; sauve, sure and well purrrfect in every way. PIB: "Whaat izz thezzz. Where hazz eet come frum. IIye shall savvve eeet. Follow meee monsieee Ogre; while the damn-age izzz dun iiye will try and make u luuuk as huumen az pozzible ". The ogre gulped and followed PIB with a sheepish grin on his face. By now the ogre had become the center of attraction at the royal salon and all the damsels remarked: "look at what the cat bought in"
Flashback ends
Circa todays story (13th aug 2006). While in orbit the ogre had called the fairy godmothers aunt and fixed an app with PIB for 18:00 hours. The ogre reached the salon 8 mins late. Even now after umpteen visits the ogre had butterflies in his tummy when he entered the place. Once an ogre, always an ogre. PIB " Comm my pitiiiable frienddd. You are laate, but I feel zorry for you and wheel try to help again. Don you ever wash yur hairz." Turning to the staff: "3 blind mize zampoo for ze mop". Once done and having safely deposited the ogre in the chair the mice send for PIB. PIB: "zo my waterloo. What izz eit that we dezire thesss time?" The ogre was a big footer fan (and a small cricket fan). Ogre: "Well you know have been thinking of this for a while and am pretty sure now. I want the Thierry Henry /Kevin Pietersen look". The entire salon (damsels, mice, aunt and other patrons) expecting their 2 pence of entertainment were all over the floor howling with delight. PIB laughed so voilently that he had another asthama attack and needed rescuing. Then again back in typical businesslike fashion " Vee are not expegting youuuu to keep coming here long mon ami. Do not be alarmed by what Iye zay, it is only nazooral weeth creatures like yourzelves. You might not need our zervice, but do not breeng the calamity upon yourzelf" The ogre however was adamant and PIB called for his special blade.
Once done PIB looked at his effort and said "A truuue work of art, my friend. My biggggessst challenge to date and pozzibily my bezt effort. True not a Henry you look, but I have beztowed upon you the crowning glory of the French (spits once) kapitan. You have ze famous Zidane look" Not much is known of what transpired post that, but the gingerbread man who was melting in the coffee about then has dull memories that the ogre in true Zidane style made a Matarazzi of PIB.
penned by Sanjay at 5:46 PM
2 Comments:
ha ha, how conveniently the donkey mantle gets passed on! btw, u taking full advantage of A not accessing internet and likening her to barnyard animals!!
@ deepsea: I have no recollection of anything that you mention in your comment. perhaps its partial amnesia. :p
@ Hiren: I assume your refering to the great man himself and not the poormans replica that is seen in and around Mumbai. While his act is inexpicable and definitely not something to be condoned I am of the opinion that every great man will have his eccentricity. I probably will not make the grade in this lifetime but if I do... :)
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