Surviving the Taj

Standing the test of time under the nose a typical Indian summer, a monument to love. If you think I am talking about the Taj Mahal in Agra you dont know me well enough. That the Taj figures in this story is incidental and like everything in my life meant to confuse the hell out of all of us. All I can say in my defense is that I am not responsible. At least I dont think I am...

So where do I start? At the beginning would be a good idea I hear some of the backbenchers say...hear hear... So was it at a bar over a couple of beers (always a great beginning, and the swell of noise in the auditorium convinces me that this is a good story) ...and along the course of time are we to throw in some Tequila? Nope does not sound like the beginning, but that my dear audience is the problem with circles. Where do they start; and yet they have this uncanny habit of enveloping life.

This story could not have begun in my lifetime. Nope, all great scripts have their seeds laid quite a few centuries back. 1632 I am given to understand was the year when Shah Jahans youngest wife Mumtaz (a princess from Iran) is said to have passed away. Of her passing away, I am informed she had a premonition and like most successfull women was able to use this info to backmail her husband and extract the following stuff from him:

1) You will build a memorial so grand that the world will admire the structure as a symbol of love.

2) You will allow my children to do whatever they want with whatever they like.

3) You will abstain from sex after I go

The fool agreed to all these terms. The results while they are quite obvious are documented here for your ref:

1) Lo behold 22 yrs after she dies we have the Taj. The 22 yrs is quite tricky believe me it involves counting

2) His son imprissoned him for wanting to build the black Taj, something he wanted to do for himself.

3) His other wives deserted him.

So what does all this mindless trivia have to do with this story? Were we not told that we are not talking, or rather not dwelling on the Taj here?

Circa present day (June 2007). We had just seen Oceans 13 at PVR Noida and the need to pull off a bigger heist made itself evident. Why not sell the Taj asked A? Pray why not. Men arnt known to use their brains when questioned by the species. I believe it has something to do with blood scarcity. Personally I think I was incapacitated of desicion making by a heady concoction of Tequila and... ahem...charm. Pure black majic now that I reflect. So after hacking into the Travelguru site and phishing cash out of a machine we were on our way (minus i-trip, pls note).

Driving from Noida if one is heading towards Agra one is advised to take the NH2 that kinda makes it mandatory to pass Faridabad. One enters this via the "Badarpur" border where one gets promptly hauled up by the sentry for making this intrusion. Thinking that our Taj plan was to be nipped in the bud, A wanted to make a run for it. Trust me to save the situ with some smooth talking that convinced the man that not having PUC was not such a bad thing. Getting out of Faridabad can get quite deary and will take getting used to, unless you do the Malad thingy regularly.

The rest of the road takes you through towns I would do well to forget, wanderer or not. The only other point that I will make about the journey is our ability to get lost on a straight road. 4 hours of driving and no sign of the Taj. Could it be that someone had beaten us to our game? The directions of course are of no use and I suppose one just has to kind of know where the Taj lies. So after backtraking many a mile we finally come to the Taj View, our host for the eve, check in, and the lights promptly go out. Err critics....viewers...dont go away, this narration is not supposed to put you to sleep. I on the other had was supposed sleep, 1/2 dead and what might you have. But before I could say good night the sun was up. 4:00 AM I think it was and I was being pushed to wake up. I see your coming back....got you intrested have I? Whats he doing up at 4:00, you ask. The heady concoction had now decided to descend on my tummy and I was sprouting lime juice (welcome drink I believe).

Eons later, read about 4 to 5 hrs, braving the brakfast we headed for the famed structure. Getting there we were promised to be taken from the parking lot to the gates by Tonga for the princely sum of 5 Rupees. We picked up a guide on the way. I believe his motivation to accompanying us was the prospective entertainment as oppsed to the income he would earn at our expense. It took us precisely 5 rupees and 5 seconds to procure passes (A workin her charm on some more unsuspecting peeps). Either that or given that it was noon and thermometer cracking temp that only the insane had chosen to wander this way (something our guide happily confirmed).

The Taj (dont let the pics fool you) is a massive complex with stuff like domes, arches and symettry thrown all over the place, only meant to distract you from its size. This narration is not about the Taj, but how we survived the experience while we walked for over an hour in 50 deg. Not just did we manage this piece, we also digested all the stuff that our guide gave us about Japanese girls jumping into your arms from the turrets. Some advise to people who might choose to follow in our footsteps:

1) Go in the winter, brave the 3 hour entry line.

2) Take tons of water. No beer is not allowed, but is available the moment you step out of the complex.

3) Your Tonga ride will take you to the complex, but not back. For that please make your own arrangements.

4) Dont wear black (ask A for more details)

5) Wear shades, cap, shorts and SUN SCREEN. I take a bow.

6) The Taj kinda distracts you if your not feeling well. In case the damage is total there are spare albeit used graves available.

7) To sell the Taj you need a buyer. Your not likely to find one in Agra. Try the UK. Evidently those chaps have it all measured for packing it in their bags.

Finally surviving is in our blood and the love for this puts the sun in the shade. The experence and more; just like the monument will survive.

Note: Pic credit Flickr.com; Saad